Epiphany 4

I have flown in airplanes many times, from double-aisle wide-bodies to little propeller puddle jumpers.  I have even jumped out of them while I was in the army. Nothing major has ever happened to any of the planes I flew in. But anxiety grips me every time I take off in one of those steel cylinders.  When we bounce around during turbulence, I keep an iron grip on both armrests. And when the pilot tells the flight attendants to discontinue beverage service and sit down, I close my eyes and believe that death is imminent.

The very thought of putting my life into the hands of two unknown guys locked into that little cockpit up front causes me to break out in a cold sweat. I suppose I have what is called “fear of flying.”

But guess what? So do most of us at one time or another. And it has nothing to do with airplanes. It does, however, have to do with fear. Big fear. Deep fear. Consuming fear. Paralyzing fear. The kind that keeps you not only from doing the things you want to do but keeps you from being the person you really are.

Those in recovery programs, whether from drugs or alcohol or from trauma, know the intense power that fear wields over the human psyche. Ever know someone going through grief, trauma, a dilemma; yet, when you ask how that person is, you get: “I’m fine.”

“Fine” is our code word for “I’m going to stay in my emotionally safe place, so I don’t need to face my pain.” “I’m going to refuse to feel it, refuse to acknowledge it, refuse to talk about it, and definitely refuse to let it out of that deeply buried place where I’ve locked it in.” “I’m fine” means I’m in no circumstances letting you into my inner sanctum. “I’m fine,” means that I choose to “survive” instead of to fully “live.” Why? Because “fine” is fueled by fear.

Fear of recovery.  Fear of healing. Fear of growth. Fear of coming out of hiding. Fear of revealing ourselves.

Fear of recovery you say? Why would anyone not want to recover from addiction? To be healed from trauma? To overcome grief? To engage in wellness and growth? To embrace life?

Because it’s easier to embrace pain. It’s easier to hide in fear than to break out of the womb and to navigate a difficult world. It’s easier to live with the “familiar” than to have to re-discover how to live anew.

Not only that, but we know that acknowledging and facing our fears, coming out of that place of hiding, stepping into new and unknown territory, trying new things, being our authentic self, will cause us to have to face down our fear, to look it straight in the eyes, and to feel the pain of whatever traumas life has laid upon our spirits.

Growing pains require our engagement. Fear allows us to stay disengaged from the unknown for fear of losing control. We may be withering in misery, but we are more terrified to step out of that desolate place if it requires us to let go of that familiar “pain.”

We have learned to derive our identity from pain instead of who we really are. Once we have lost touch with who we are, we are petrified that we have disappeared. In a sense, we have been addicted to our pain. We have become prisoners of our fear.

In today’s Gospel, we see Jesus interrupt his “teaching” in the synagogue in Capernaum to heal and address an “unclean spirit.” Notice that the emphasis in this story is not on Jesus’ teaching. We note that people are impressed that he teaches with authority. But we don’t even know what he taught that day. That’s not the focus of Mark’s message. Mark focuses on Jesus’ engagement with a man in whom he detects a fearful spirit –an event that would keep people’s tongues wagging for a good long time!

I want you to notice something else. While the members of the synagogue are wondering at what Jesus is doing, meanwhile, the “unclean spirit” of this man doesn’t have to wonder for a single second. He immediately recognizes who Jesus is and fears the confrontation! This is extremely important for us to understand. This false spirit that has been occupying this man, keeping him bound in a false narrative, immediately recoils at Jesus, saying, “What are you going to do to us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are, the Holy One of God!”

Jesus immediately commands the spirit to come out of him, and convulsing and crying with a loud voice, the spirit came out and left the man, no longer inhibiting him, returning him to “himself.” Jesus’ healing has allowed this man to resume life as an authentic human being, unbound by fear, pain, and trauma. He is free to be the man that God created him to be.

Think about what this means. Let’s remove our Hollywood visions of the “Exorcist” for a moment and instead think of what this interaction means for all of us.

We all harbor “demons” at one time or another, demons of fear and pain that prevent us from being authentically “whole,” from engaging in relationships without shame or guilt, that prevent us from seeing ourselves with positive eyes, that prevent us from moving forward from our guilt and pain.

Our demons hold us hostage and block our attempts at intimacy and connection with others. They feed us false narratives. They pretend to protect our “image” that we feel we must show to the world. They tell us we are unworthy, shameful, or guilty. They inject us with fears of rejection and assure us that hiding away our wounds is better than feeling our pain. They masquerade as helpers who would hide us and protect us. But in reality, they are keeping us from enjoying the beauty of life – and who we were created by God to be.

Jesus is and always has been a healer. It was one of his primary ministries, because he knew and understood the human condition and the ease and propensity in which our “demons” of fear can control, delude, and manipulate us into disengaging with God, with others, and even with ourselves. Jesus with his “salvific” and healing hand has the authority and power to disrupt that narrative within us, to challenge our false identities, and to restore within us an authenticity that we have long hidden deeply within ourselves.

But our first reaction to Jesus if we are harboring trauma, guilt, shame, or self-doubt will always be fear!

The Bible has a lot of wisdom within it, but one phrase in particular should strike a chord with Jesus’ actions in our scripture today: “Do not be afraid.” God offers this phrase to us no less than 365 times in the scriptures alone!  365 times: “Do not be afraid.” Because God knows – Jesus Son of God reminds us – fear is our greatest demon. Fear is the true opposite of faith.

Faith and fear do not co-exist. They cannot coincide. One either lives in fear or in faith. Not both.

So, the question is for all of us: Will we allow our “demons” to control us? Or will we offer up our fears to God in faith and allow Jesus to fully and wholly heal us, to offer us salvation in every sense of the word?

God created every one of us to be a beautiful, authentic, amazing individual. Jesus has the power to “re-make” and restore us to that exquisite beauty at every point in our lives, if only we will let him. You, in your intellect, your logic, your doubt, your reason may question if Jesus has the power today in our time to make a difference in the world. But deep down, your fears know him and know the power he can wield in remaking your life.

If you’ve been hiding in fear a long time, you may have lost touch with who you are.

You may think that if you let go of your fear, you will lose your sense of identity. Jesus is here to tell you that it’s the opposite. Once you let go of your fear, you will find yourself. For when you lose your fear, you find the real you just waiting to emerge. As Jesus said: 

“If your first concern is to protect yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me. Anyone finding his life will lose it, and anyone losing his life because of Me will find it”(Matthew 10:39).

May your life be blessed with healing and wholeness. May you not allow fear to rule your life but allow Jesus to resurrect you in ways you cannot begin to imagine! And may your soul fly on the wings of the Spirit.